Nameri {@nconteh}

LOVE

I think love is everything God says it is (1 Corinthians 13:4-8). Love is patient. Love is kind. I think love is showing grace when you've been hurt, being gentle with another person's emotions because you know your actions affect their being.  I know that love is two whole people helping each other fulfill God's purpose for their lives. I know that love is a lot more logical than emotional.  I know that only God can make you whole and we often go searching for missing pieces of ourselves in other people and misinterpret infatuation for love.  I know that love is something to be respected. I know that I'm still learning to love. I know that love should make sense.

I have been in love, I have been in lust, hella like, and a  lot of situationships. These situationships felt a lot like love for the other person while I was just.. well simply running game. I've always been a calculated, goal oriented, do things that make sense kind of person, until I fell in love. Love for me was intense, electrifying, confusing, frustrating, beautiful, painful, captivating, life changing. Being in love taught me the weight of carrying someone else's burdens; and honestly sometimes I just really didn't want to. I had my own demons to deal with. Love alone is never enough to make a relationship last. 

 

Its been a privilege to be able to have shared experiences with people who have changed my life

 

HEARTBREAK

I've also been through heartbreak. I'm hella dramatic too. Like blast Jagged Edge- feels like I just walked outta heaven as my ring tone, Toni Toni Toni on repeat for days kind of dramatic. Leave the country hide out in the Bahamas for a few days kinda dramatic. But some of my most painful heartaches have given me the most growth. My mentor always tells me, "I wish I could shield you from certain experiences but some things have to be felt in order to learn." I've always been a better student to pain than joy. 

The hardest part of a heartbreak for me has always been forgiving myself for my part I played in it. Whether it was a misjudgment of the other person's character (creating a mistrust of self), or playing this charismatic figure to satisfy my ego in a manner that wasn't healthy for a love that was already fragile. After the emotions die down and I'm able to process things logically, the thing that always leaves me hurt the most is not being able to trust myself to be a better person the next time around. 

When it comes to soulmates, I think we've glorified the term soul mate as if you don't get one then God doesn't love you as much as those who do get one.

 

Singleness is as much of a gift as a soulmate or marriage.